I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
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