and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
