oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
im drinking this country out of the recession.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
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