East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
