That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
In other news, I just burned my penis
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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