were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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