May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
