My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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