it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
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