3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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