Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
