Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
He? As in you personified your dick?
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize