So its not gay if you have sex with another woman and its academic
so what if I'm having sex with a woman for recreation?
Thats gay
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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