so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
How's work?
Spinning.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Randomize
