you would pick up someone in the library
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Randomize
