Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize