So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
