i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Randomize
