Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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