Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
