We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
