I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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