Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
This is the prime rib incident all over again
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
