I got chris browned last night
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize
