I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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