Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
