yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I should be sponsored by Trojan
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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