I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
