sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize