i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Randomize
