Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize