watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize