He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
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