i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
