Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Randomize
