I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
