i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
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