His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
