If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
