I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
He keeps bees of course he's weird
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
