I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Randomize
