His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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