A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
