Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
