maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Randomize
