I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
I intend to get homeless drunk
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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