awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
