mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
