I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
