I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
