how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize