Well apparently he's into motor boating.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
