I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
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