Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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