At least make sure they are 18
Why
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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