You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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