What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Randomize
