I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
