my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize