So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
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