btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
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