Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Randomize
