The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
then he tried to convert me to islam
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Randomize
