he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
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