Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Randomize
