I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
Randomize
