Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
