walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
