i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
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