I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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