i just identified you from a description of your pipe
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Randomize
