If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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