you mean i was at the winter classic?
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
