I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
