Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Randomize
