Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
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