I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
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